sunnuntai 31. toukokuuta 2020

IN TIME

In time
we are all dead.
In time
we are all alive.
The location
just differs.
Here in the
midstream
I am alive
and you
are dead.
In the upstream
you are alive.
In the downstream
we are all dead.
And there are
those places
where we
live together
until time
unravels.

31.05.2020
HERE WE ARE

Warming my cold
hands
and colder mind
on the fire
of burning
cities in the States.

31.05.2020
CROESUS AND SOLON IN HERODOTUS

Would Tellus still have been
the happiest of all men
for Solon
if he would have died
for Corinth?

31.05.2020

tiistai 26. toukokuuta 2020

AWAKENING

It might be rain
I hear
from beyond
the drawn curtains
in this dusty
twilight,
to which I awoke
inside the
cage I locked
myself in;
apartmental dusk
that tells little -
light & time
are divorced in
the early summer,
clock on the wall
long stopped.

It might be rain
I hear,
a slow, lazy
rain began
on some lost,
unheard moment,
going on far after
I have vanished
back into the
nightmare of sleep
where the dead
in their Hadean
gloom linger;
bitter visitors
who tell what
awaits back in the cage.

It might be rain
I hear,
sound alone
telling
of the world
that exists
beyond this
little hell
I so clumsily build.
If I could
but go
and smell the air
and feel
the cold
raindrops,
breeze that I
raise in my imagination...
The new grass
and weeds
that must grow
rampant...
If I only could -
but I can't.

26.05.2020

maanantai 25. toukokuuta 2020

minotauros in its labyrinth

1
a new day begins
on the late afternoon
with same desperation
as the last one
ended in the dawn
there is no escape
from the labyrinth
as long as you
are the minotauros
devouring those
who come without
ariadne to betray

2
they are all
gone
and here I am
waiting
for the next
victim
to cleave
apart
when I try
to save
them
only to realize
too late
always always
too late
that it was I
who was
the monster
to slay

25.05.2020

sunnuntai 24. toukokuuta 2020

WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY

I betrayed
you all;
what else
there is
to say?

Graves
and crushed lives
are not unmade
with admittance
of guilt & shame.

No one
can forgive
beyond the grave,
from amid the wreckage
of ruined hopes.

What else
there is
is to say?
I was Judas, Ephialtes
& all the rest.

24.05.2020
life imagined as a maritime odyssey (fragment)

when we die
we leave behind
an archipelago
of graves

through which
we navigated
our way to our
own fatal wreck

24.05.2020
BOLTZMANN'S BRAIN

When I am dead, you shall not
mourn me nor remember me;
for you perish with my last thought,
sink to that vacuum of possibilities
from which I briefly emerged,
Boltzmann's Brain, imagining
this universe and the rest -
you on this sphere of dust,
and all the love and hate and fear
and hope I felt in my imagination
until I knew what lay
beyond my mind: The void.

You shall not mourn me,
you shall not remember me,
for you are a shard of myself
I gave an illusion of separation
in my self-creation on the ruins
of whatever long dead cosmos
birthed me to solitarily face...
myself, the Alpha and Omega;
in my cell of thought even now I doubt,
I the guard and architect and prisoner
of my vast solitude, the Protean
truth I perceive and declare.

24.05.2020

lauantai 23. toukokuuta 2020

REGRET

To Heta

I wake up in the afternoon, the dead
having come back in a dream
in which hope soared with broken wings,
and now cast out I lay in the clarity
of consciousness where hope
is a sunken piece of land
covering the bones that should
still flesh and kind sentience carry.

This is the burden of our sins,
the betrayals that we wrought
to forge our crumbling selves -
to live to regret each day with
the purity we reached for in vain
when those who needed our love
where there still to reach and save.
Regret until we in others' dreams
become better people than we are. 

23.05.2020
TO HETA

You came back in a dream,
limping - you hadn't died
while I watched; you had
been missing these years,
some faceless stranger
caring for you. He asked
did I want you back, and
of course I wanted,
my mind soared
as I saw you, relieved
even when the stranger implied
that you were, again, dying.
But I had you back, for
a moment, in a dream.

13.05.2020

torstai 21. toukokuuta 2020

PITY NOT THE FOOL

A bit ill for the fourth day,
in bed with that nice warm feeling
fever and a mildly sore throat bring,
 when should have been
quite elsewhere
in better company (Sorry felines!),
and instead under unwashed blanket
reading through Lies, Inc
(bought in 1996), thinking
This could be it!
Not just a flu, but it!
And after yesterday's pitiful
display of fear of death
(I have a respiratory illmess!
High blood-pressure!
Chronic anemia!
Poor me!)
the worst the day brought
was the almost certain
knowledge that the new
Sapphos are fake.

21.05.2020

maanantai 18. toukokuuta 2020

LOSS

Ever the world
takes from us
what we most cherish;
but the hand
it uses to do so
is so often
our own.

18.05.2020
THE ILLUSION

Life is only
an illusion 
- but death,
death is real.

18.05.2020

keskiviikko 13. toukokuuta 2020

THE FRUIT OF BETRAYAL

Even the simplest things now
carry the deepest wounds,
pain that stabs through the mind
with twin knives of memory
and absence. You are gone
and I am here, alone,
whatever place this is:
Hell, limbo or purgatory.
Such is the fruit of betrayal.

13.05.2020
LIFE

Life feels
like an endless pain,
but the worst
is the knowledge
it will end


all this
pain that fills
the days
has been
in vain.

13.05.2020

maanantai 11. toukokuuta 2020

DAWN

Morning born from birdsong,
the lingering shadows of the night,
and the first red-orange touch
of the rays of the rising sun.

07.06.2013-11.05.2020

sunnuntai 10. toukokuuta 2020

WITHOUT THOUGHT WON AND DOOMED

It's a mistake,
this riven life;
someone else
should be here,
with their own sorrows
and their losses
they can hardly bear.

The wrong sperm cell
won the race
and entered the
wrong egg.
Then graves
now cold in morning frost
might not hide you.

02.06.2013-10.05.2020
DOWNTOWN

Sky fading blue
above the dirty snows of January,
above all these little anthills of houses
huddling together
where the river unites and divides
and icy, slippery streets worm
their way carrying
the concealed faces
drifting like snowflakes.

19.01.2016-10.05.2020

lauantai 9. toukokuuta 2020

TALKING TO THE MIRROR

To live is to grieve,
grieve what you have lost
and yet to live is
to cause pain to others,
wounds that bleed
through years
drowning hope.
You are an epicentre
of pain and sorrow,
and around you
spreads outwards
a circle of suffering
and death,
all those you could
neither save
nor leave in peace.

09.05.2020
NOTHING BUT THE PAST

There is nothing
but the past,
the exact moment of "now"
where we think we exist,
has always become
part of the past
when our thought
has run it's course
and we have acted.

28.05.2013-09.05.2020
THE DAY AFTER THE END

There will be a dawn
when the Sun will rise
over seas and mountains
and woods, its light still
reflected from blue glaciers
and the waves waiting them;
animals will live their
eternal now as today,
but the memory of the world
will be gone to dust
with our painful sentience.

09.05.2020
WHEN YOU WERE DYING

A sliver of sunlight,
a bit of warmth &
snow turned water
flowing away sings
in brooks and streams
of springs to come.

26.11.2017-06.05.2020-09.05.2020
LIFE IS A TEST

Life is a test
or - if you prefer,
test after test after test -
set to run
until we fail.

For fail we will.

Every obstacle
we overcome
just bring
us closer to the
one we won't.

09.05.2020

perjantai 8. toukokuuta 2020

REINCARNATE

Although today we shall perish
on this blood-stained Terran shore,
under a distant, dead and unborn star
our flesh in an alien guise same minds will hide
again; we shall live again, mistakes repeat,
and suffer the same grief that knives us now,
the same sorrows as we once
felt in the long-gone inhuman past,
before the Sun from dust and gas formed,
when we had names no human tongue can pronounce.
From shape to shape, from wandering
orb to another, across vast distances of time
and space, we drift reliving the same pain,
some entanglement beyond understanding
keeping us orbiting the same immaterial wound
that guides our repeating fate;
I wonder what final form we shall take
when in the ultimate cosmic aeon
even the black holes have died?

08.05.2020

torstai 7. toukokuuta 2020

WHEN THE DREAM PASSED AWAY

I dreamed of immortality
when I had not tasted
the bitterness
that comes with
the death of loved ones.

After that,
I had little interest
on long aeons spent
without my lost ones,
whom time had
already carried
too far.

Nothing good
is worthwhile
if it can't be shared.

09.06.2013-07.05.2020
431 AD

There were no snakes,
no Saint Patrick at the beginning:
There was the learned bishop Palladius, 
son of Exuperantius, late
praefectus praetorio Galliarum
killed at Arles,
sent on order of saintly pope Celestine I to become a 
missionary to pagan Eire
in the tenth year of the reign
of child emperor Valentinian III,
thus contemporary sources show;
yet memories unwritten
came apart,
holes in them were filled,
stories connected with myth
and written into annals,
becoming history.
Palladius came lost in the gloom
of the rugged shores of
time and remembrance.
Thus was Saint Patrick
of later memory born:
Begetted by the fading memories
of the merging shadows of
Palladius, dead in what would
be Scotland, and a man
under that later name -
himself lost in the decades
when the Roman eagle fell from its perch
in the fading Occident, dead,
on Odoacer's lap -
and given birth by scribal monks' styluses.
And, you ask, what about the snakes?
The devil driven from the new garden of Eden
won for Christianity -
but you first had to reintroduce
the devil to the garden,
from which he had been eradicated,
carefully brought across the
gray waves of the Irish sea
from the newly forged Christendom
to be let loose on the landscape
of religious memory.

01.06.2015-07.05.2020
INTO THE COLD AEONS

Life, in the end, lacks permanent meaning -
all names are written on water,
and that water is the memory of humanity.
One day where now its waves heave
erasing names, foam
over the deep abysses of existence,
there shall be but parched ground,
and beyond that, the great chasm of time
and space, in which the universe as a whole
shall run as dry as the oceans of Earth under
the glare of the aged Sun. No memory
of us will reach the deep aeons
of matterless cold that await.

07.05.2020

keskiviikko 6. toukokuuta 2020

THE BLIND

Based on their own faith,
every rich Christian
is on his way to hell -
yet they think
that money will
open the gates of heaven,
and few of their
priests dares to
say no.

06.05.2020
EXISTENCE

When the illusion
that was life
is lifted,
behind it
lies nothing.

06.05.2020
THE BRIGHT LIGHT OF THE MORNING

I can't bear the 
morning's bright, golden light
that even the curtains
can't block -
it's too much,
the pure, cold light
of this May dawn
when the night
briefly raised the guilt
by hiding in its embrace
the dead and the lost.

06.05.2020
THALES OF MILETUS(c. 624- c. 546 BCE)

Better to stumble and fall
into a well, Thales,
when watching the bright stars above,
than always look where you step,
and with your eyes on the dim ground
never see the
dusty girdle of the Milky Way
calling above.

02.-06.05.2020
THE SALAD BOWL OF SCIENCE FICTION: 2020 EDITION

We are living the science fiction future, baby,
we got the cyberpunk, hackers
keeping hospitals hostage
and life outdoors exchanged
for life online ( I was just fighting on Korriban);
we got the global pandemic
waving a scythe across a planet
in the throes of global warming:
See the death count change live!
See the glaciers flowing us to our doom!
We have the authoritarian dystopia
(it comes in different flavours),
we have the society run by marketing,
we got it all, baby -
even billionaire deus ex machina
cohort reaching for the stars,
right out of the libertarians' wet dreams.
We got it all, baby,
we got the salad bowl of science fiction.

06.05.2020

tiistai 5. toukokuuta 2020

maanantai 4. toukokuuta 2020

TODAY

Reading a few pages of Hemingway,
him and a thinly veiled, drunk Fitzgerald
in the Gallic and Iberian landscapes
which you deserved...
I see them too clearly,
memories that should be;
moving to Styron and giving up
after five pages or six -
upset that a drunk lived to be 81
when you...
Fitzgerald, at least, was dead at 44;
then Sienkiewicz, but
his aristocratic parasite whining
how philosophy doesn't allow
him to believe in the religion
of his childhood without doubts,
while reminiscensing about life
among the high society
of Paris, while now staying in Rome...
You were denied them,
the great capitals of Europe.
By whom? Me.
Back at the Hemingway scenario-
In the backround, old Hercule Poirot
episode runs on the laptop screen,
and even it disturbs,
now with real memories
of days slipped through my fingers
like you did.

04.05.-05.05.2020
NEVER

Never try to achieve what
you dream of
except if you
yearn disappointment
and lust for failure.

Better a lifetime of asking
"What could have been?"
instead of knowing
what could never,
ever be.

04.05.2020
NOBODY IS TRULY FREE

Nobody is truly free
in this world -
some just have bigger cells
than others.

Sometimes you can stand
in your cell and touch
all the walls
with your hands.

Sometimes the walls
of your cell
are beyond the horizon.
How lucky you.

Still they are there,
waiting to be found,
to shatter your
illusion of freedom.

You who looked
in pity at the prisoners
in their small cells,
finding that you

can touch the walls
of your own cell,
and that the walls
not made of stones and cement

are as strong and as unyelding,
as restricting, as those
imprisoning the prisoners
you but a moment ago saw as so different,

and that the guards
upholding the walls you have found
have no more inclination
to let you go free.

What do you do then?
Shall you remain in your cell,
patiently hoping for freedom
or pretending that the walls don't exist?

Break the walls
of all cells, no matter
how large the prisons,
no matter the form they take.

Be free, and let
others be free,
with birth and death
the only confining walls.

04.05.2020

sunnuntai 3. toukokuuta 2020

ON THIS PLANE IN TIME AND SPACE

Dust and clay
they are to us,
the generations gone;

dust and clay
we are to them,
the generations to come.

Between the dead
and the unborn we exist
and despair.

03.05.2020
OUROBOROS

When we
took our first breath
we had already
lost,

and in
the cry
that followed
was all our life's pain.

03.05.2020
THE DAY TO END ALL DAYS II

When the cold mist hides
the autumn stars
on the darkening sky
echoing from the cries
of migrating birds,
and the brooks run
full and fast,
then I will go to my
pine on the edge
of the fields,
where the sound
of running water
and departing flocks
mingle in the night's
rising tide,
and I will sit down,
feeling the bark
and the cold grass
and the chill
of eternity.

03.05.2020
THE DAY TO END ALL DAYS I

I am going, and I know it -
I know that light
in my eyes is growing scarce,
the flow in my veins is growing thin,
and I feel it in my bones and flesh
that soon the latter will embrace
the former as the soil
embraces its secrets.
But before that
day to end all days,
and that last fearful thought to
make meaningless all thoughts
arrives,
I will go home
and live again
where I should never have left from,
as the buds on the
boughs turn to leaves
and frail hope kindles
with the long, warm
nights of the early summer,
kindles to burn bright
and die young,
as all hope in the world must do,
when the cold mist hides
the autumn stars
on the darkening sky.

03.05.2020
THE DEAD ARE HERE

Perhaps the dead are still here,
among us as spirits or ghosts or wraiths,
perhaps they are here,
coming to our dreams and to be glimpsed
as shapes in the corner of our eye
or as a shadow beyond us in the mirror.

Perhaps the dead are here,
living on in the world
after their flesh is gone,
a comfort to us who still breath and cry;
but far more likely I think it to be
that we who think we are living

are instead dead, gone
into limbo or purgatory or hell,
with older souls faint and fading,
unseen, unheard outside dreams,
as shapes in the corner of our eye
and as a shadow beyond us in the mirror.

03.05.2020